When jokes
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.
What happens when two walls meet?
They are cornered.
What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?
"I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
What is it called when a cow sings? A lawsuit.
What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
What is it called when Bill Cosby and an illegal immigrant fight?
Aliens vs. Predator
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
What season is it when you're on a trampoline?
Spring time!
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.
Yo mama so stupid that when the mirror cracked, she tried to order another one.
Check out my YouTube Channel! (Gamer Zacoo01).
What do you say to Stephen Hawking when he dies?
"Rust in pieces!"
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
When I went to basketball training, there was a giant bag of basketballs on the floor.
My friend was like, "That’s a huge sack of balls."
He didn’t realize what was about to happen.
What do you call it when Portericans surround your house?
A spicket fence!