When jokes
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
When you lose a game of Kahoot, so you kashoot up the school.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
When the school lets you near children again...
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Seven’s been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
I was riding my bike down the road!
When a car started coming, I started running.
It put me in a crash with my elbow through my ass! ;)
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Why tie when you can knot?
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
When you are playing Fortnite and you get a big W, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.