When jokes
What happens when you have dry elbows at work?
You don't have any elbow grease to put into it.
I hate it when you say your life is a joke because a joke actually has meaning.
I was digging in my garden when I found this chest of gold coins.
I wanted to run inside to tell my wife what I found, but that's when I remembered why I was digging.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?
When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
When does a computer function best? When it listens to its motherboard.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies?
Everywhere.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.