When jokes
Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."
What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?
"Log in."
When is a cold not a cold?
Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."
Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.
Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.
When I got to school, I was speechless.
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
What do you get when you cross Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?
Predator 2.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
I got jealous when my phone died.
The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"
The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."
The circular saw would reply with, "What?"
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
Yo mama so fat, when she walked across the floor, she fell through it.
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?