When jokes
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a male. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said... "Error!"
When the quiet kid gets angry and the sped kid sees your hiding spot.
Bing, bang, boom!
Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits around the earth, she sits around the earth.
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
what do you get when you cross parents, the san fran bridge and a moody asian teen?
Niagra falls
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
When the kid in the wheelchair scares you... you wheelie scared me.
What did the people in 9/11 say when they got the wrong pizza? Man, they got it wrong, I wanted this shitty plane!
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
What's the similarities between dark humor and cancer?
It's funnier when kids get it.
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.