When jokes
The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a thrill with pills. Jack came down, fuck a clown, and the cum made them frown.
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
When you realize you forgot to mop your room, you hear footsteps.
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
What did the Chinese girl say when she had a white baby?
"Sum Ting Wong."
What did MLK Jr. say when he spent the night on the internet?
"Last night I had a meme."
What do you call it when Hitler abuses his wife?
Adolf Hit Her.
What happens when you hit Dwayne Johnson's butt? You hit rock bottom.
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
When you name yourself "Twin Towers" and the terrorist in Kahoot.
Twin Towers are on fire.
The terrorist has a streak of two.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
I am a racist, and I put my milk before cereal. Well, to be honest, that was when I had milk, but one day my dad says he was going to get some... then he left.
Now when I see a black guy, I yell, "Thanks for picking the cotton to make my shirt!"
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"