Whats jokes

What do you call an emo girl with a flat chest?

A cutting board.

I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.

What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...

Michael Phelps can finish a race.

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

What's worse than a dead baby?

A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that?

One's alive at the bottom.

What's even worse than THAT?

It eats it's way out.

Wait it gets worse...

It goes back for seconds.

Just one more I swear...

It fucks one of it's siblings at the bottom.

Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.

What the fluff happened to this website?

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

What does a Jew expecting guests say?

"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"

What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.

What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?

They both come with a toy.

What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.

Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?

A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

What type of bow can't be tied?

Rainbow.