Whats jokes
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?
Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔
What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
What is China's favorite restaurant?
The Pet Store.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Jews?
Santa Claus gets to leave the chimney alive.
What’s the worst part of being a pedophile?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
What is a difference between a tree and a car? A car 🚙 can drive and [a] tree 🌲 can not drive.
What is the difference between a tree 🌲 and a car 🚘?
A car can drive, and a tree 🌳 cannot drive.
What did the bus driver say to the nut 🥜?
"Where do you live?"
What is the difference between a snowman and a snow girl?
Snowballs.
What’s worse than three babies in one garbage can?
One baby in three garbage cans.
What's a suicidal person's favorite drink?
The depressay expressay.
Just kidding, bleach!
What did the teacher say when he raped his naughty student?
"Face the wall!"
What's the same with a controller and a woman?
They both work if you hit them.
What does NASA stand for?
Not Another Strong Astronaut.