Whats jokes
One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey, what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, it has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice so he sinned twice." The man asks, "Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office-- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
What do a doctor and a girlfriend/boyfriend have in common?
They both break your heart.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
What was Juice WRLD's favorite store?
Forever 21.
What do you call the longest reigning monarch?
The queen? No, she dead.
What its like being online xd
What's the difference between a joke and two dicks?
Women can't take a joke!
What has two legs and bleeds?
Half a cat.
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
What is a home that can fly?
A magic house!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where the home is.
Also, what do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
You're so bald, I can see what's on your mind.
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
What is gayer than man sex ring?
Not slapping the ass at Hooters.
A guy once went hunting at a Hunting Ranch owned by a Hunter and his Wife. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in Rancher’s Living-room. There they were having a grand ole time until the Rancher’s wife walks in. The Hunter looks at her and says “that’s a nice piece of ass you got your self there.” The Rancher replied “(with a harsh southern accent from years of cigarette smoke) You’ve never been so right in your life, honey why don’t show our guest your tits.” She agrees and then shows the hunter her plump DD cup breast. After he gets a good gander he says “Nice.” Then Rancher shouted “show em yer peker now Hon.” She agreed and whipped out a 13inch Johny, and twirled it around like how an Elephant would move his. Now dazed and confused the Hunter yells out “What in Sam Hill is that!!” and the Rancher replied “Now....Lemme tell you..There ain’t a thing like it”.
What is a cannibal's favorite drink?
Coffee.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither can see their parents.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.
What did one dog say to another dog? I love you.