Whats jokes
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.
Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”
What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.
What's a brother and sister from Alabama's favorite sex position?
The cowgirl.
What do you call a Chinese baby?
Sum Ting Wong.
What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?
With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.
What did the twin tower say to the other?
"I need to catch this plane."
What does LMAO mean? Launching Missiles At Orphanages.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
What do you get when you cross a stick and a dog? A run away joke...
What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.