Whats jokes

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reali-tea.

What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?

Coco Pops.

What do you call a group of depressed teens?

Suicide Squad.

What type of cake can't orphans eat?

Home made.

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.

What’s the difference between school and prison? One is painted.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalotofpuss.

What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?

Dark humor never dies!

What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?

Royal-tea.

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

What did the chef say to the skeleton?

"Bone appetit!"

"How was your day?"

"It was great."

"What was so great about it?"

"I saw a puppy."

"Awww."

"And I ran over it :)"

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

Sans: “pokes brother with ruler”

Papyrus: Sans, what are you doing?

Sans: Measuring your patience.

Papyrus: Grunts

What's the difference between me and a bus?

I'm not on fire...

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red Ferrari?

I don't have the Ferrari.

What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I said, "No, it doesn't!"