Whats jokes
What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?
One has papers.
What do cows listen to on headphones?
moo-sic.
What's similar between a 14 year old pregnant girl and the fetus inside of her?
They're both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's going to kill me!"
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
reCAPTCHA
What’s a bird’s favorite movie?
The Parrots of the Caribbean.
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop?
Ivana Pulyova.
What do you call a heterosexual man performing fellatio on another heterosexual man?
Bisexual.
What did one needle say to the other?
"You be looking sharp!"
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both shove their meat between 10-year-old buns.
What's the difference between 100 dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini.
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?
“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a hockey player?
A hockey player gets to shower after three periods.
What do you call a Mexican that smokes weed? A baked bean.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
What's the best thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.