What's a child abuser's favorite song?
"Just Beat It!"
Whats Jokes
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
What do you call a white kid at the back of the class?
School shooter.
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking during a house fire.
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
What’s the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
What were Stephen's last words? “Battery low.”
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
What’s the difference between a zit and a catholic priest?
A zit waits till you’re 13 to come on your face
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
