Whats jokes

What was Jesus scared of the most?

Snails.

What do you call an Asian? A stupid gook.

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.

What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?

A waist of your time.

What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?

Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...

Boy: Have you heard of the cool kid who just told us he had autism?

Teacher: What?

Boy: Well... never mind, he's well supported.

There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

She replies with, "These are my headlights."

He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"

What's the difference between a baby and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.

I have 3 eyes, 2 ears, and 6 mouths, what am I?

UGLY!

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

What do retarded cops give tickets for?

Going over 45 in a potato zone.

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

Son: Mom, what's dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I’m blind.

Mom: Exactly.

What's the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The face you make when you nail them.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.

What’s the difference between autism and gender?

Gender is binary, autism is a spectrum.

What does Michael Jackson like to carry around? A little ball sack.

What do you call a Muslim in America being pursued by a perv?

Alien vs. Predator.

So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"