Whats jokes
What do you call a burger 🍔 with one eye?
A one giant.
Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van!
It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go, but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come.
We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! "Hey they want to party with us!" Timmy yelled over the whooping. "Party van!" I yelled.
Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said "P O L I C E” on the side.
We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. "Isn’t that right mommy?"
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What war game can the French win? None, they are always losing.
What's the difference between your dad and the mailman? Nothing.
C A S T O R here is proof the names are marked out for privacy
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...
... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What’s red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
What do you call a flat cabbage?
A leaf pile.
What's the difference between a redhead and an orangutan?
Some people adopt orangutans.
When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What do you call an Asian k9? E10
A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"
And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."
And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"
And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."
What type of alphabet does an elf learn?
The elf-abet.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
What do crows get after they buy a phone?
A cawing card.