Kid: "I fucked your mom."
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Whats Jokes
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night?
Dark humor.
What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
Velcro.
What would MLK Junior be if he was white?.........Alive.
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."
A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
So, I was at a funeral the other day, and it was a school shooting mass funeral. The lady beside me asked me, “What do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “Probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “How dare you! You have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “Well, they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”
What do you call the whole population turning into emos?
The Great Depression.
What do Hostess Twinkies and the cock of a gay man have in common?
🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍨 🍨 🍨 🍨
What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What do you call shaving a crazy sheep? -- Shear madness.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
What makes you think feminists can change anything?
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
