Well jokes
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.