Well jokes

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."

I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.

I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"

You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.

22 ants were playing football in a saucer.

One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”

Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.

What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?

Nothing.

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He couldn't see that well.

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? -- Because the octopus was well armed.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.

They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now!

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."

"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.

"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."