Well jokes

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.

"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."

"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.

"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed.