Well-being jokes
What's a depressed person's favorite game? Hangman.
Wanna know why I don’t make suicidal jokes?
Because I am one.
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
Which way is quicker to die? Noose or slitting my throat?
Don’t suicide! Please don’t, it’s horrible, and you will hurt so many people that love you.
That’s why no one will be hurt.
Take care of yourself
Hi, how are you?
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
Hello everyone, have a great day and be positive!
Whoever took my anti-depressant pills,
I hope you're fucking happy.
Well, being an American is just a joke itself.
How are you?
Happiness.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Insomnia.
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...
Just watched an upsetting video. Please retweet. #Stop The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.
Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...