Well-being jokes

It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

Do depressed people hate swimming?

They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.

Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?

Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.

You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?

When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.

What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.

For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.

Whoever took my anti-depressant pills,

I hope you're fucking happy.

I help suicidal people.

BTW verb not adjective.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

"Hey, Prince, I want to say, "Don't die, I love you!"

Don’t suicide! Please don’t, it’s horrible, and you will hurt so many people that love you.

That’s why no one will be hurt.

Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.

My happiness.

Happiness.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Coff- na, jk, bleach.

Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.

Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?