Well-being jokes

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

What can't you say to an emo?

Hang in there, buddy!

Why did the booty go to therapy?

It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.

My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.

I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid and tried to brighten up his day.

I did have a good night's sleep and a good day today, and tomorrow I have [planned] for a good night's sleep, and sleep with my...

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.

Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?

Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.

You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?

Do depressed people hate swimming?

They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

"Hey, Prince, I want to say, "Don't die, I love you!"

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

Hello, everyone, how is your day today?

What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.