Well-being jokes

A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."

What do you say to a depressed special kid?

“Why so down?”

If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.

On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*

Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

What do you call a depressed person's life?

At this point, nonexistent.

My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.

Friend: You ok, man?

Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...

How are you?

According to all known laws of aviation,

there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Coming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

- Barry? - Adam?

- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!

- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!

Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.

How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.

You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we'll be happy forever in heaven, eventually." Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

Depression, I got it.

A girlfriend, don't got it.

A life, don't got it.

Help, got it.

Friends, don't got it.

Family, I got it.

Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!