Well-being jokes
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
Friend: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Your life.
Me: Ahhh, I wish!
*jumps off building*
I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.
(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts
So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"
I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
How to not exist: Kys.
If an apple and a depressed kid fall out of a tree, which one hits the ground first? The apple.
The kid just hangs there.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
Why did the booty go to therapy?
It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.
Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
Hi, how are you? Are you good?
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.