Well-being jokes
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."
Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."
Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."
Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
My happiness.
You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?
Yo mama so gay, she almost passed away.
I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.
Just watched an upsetting video. Please retweet. #Stop The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was depressed.
Happiness is like food, not everyone gets it.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
Who can jump the highest? Depressed asses, some say they’re still in the air.
Do depressed people hate swimming?
They hate it because they are already drowning in their depression, but they love it because it might make all their dreams come true.
This isn't really a joke, but I HAVE PTSD, YAY! :)
What is a depressed kid's favorite game?
Hangman.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
How to get rid of your depression:
1. Stop self-pitying.
2. Realize you can't.
3. Fucking deal with it.
You're welcome.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Don’t suicide! Please don’t, it’s horrible, and you will hurt so many people that love you.
That’s why no one will be hurt.