Weight jokes

Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

Your mum is so fat she eats all day!

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...

SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!

What do you call an overweight psychic?

A four chin teller.

Tonight, I picked up an anorexic prostitute.

It was really easy because she was only about 90 pounds.

Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself…

A piece of cake.

I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. I see the world through eyes covered in ink and bleach. Cross out the ones who heard my cries and watched me weep. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

Tape my eyes open to force reality (oh no, no). Why can't you just let me eat my weight in glee? I live inside my own world of make-believe. Kids screaming in their cradles, profanities. Some days I feel skinnier than all the other days, And some days I can't tell if my body belongs to me. I love everything. Fire's spreading all around my room. My world's so bright. It's hard to breathe, but that's alright. Hush, shh.

I wanna taste your content. Hold your breath and feel the tension. Devils hide behind redemption. Honesty is a one-way gate to hell. I wanna taste consumption. Breathe faster to waste oxygen. Hear the children sing aloud. It's music 'til the wick burns out. Hush.

Just wanna be carefree lately, yeah. Just kicking up daisies. Got one too many quarters in my pockets. Count 'em like the four-leaf clovers in my locket. Untied laces, yeah. Just tripping on daydreams. Got dirty little lullabies playing on repeat. Might as well just rot around the nursery and count sheep.

What is heavy forward but not backward?

"Ton."

You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.

I can't fake the smile for long, as there is weight hanging at both of its ends called depression.

Why do Indian men marry fat women?

Me: Stepping on a scale to weigh myself.

Everyone else in the minefield...

Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, she sinks!

Yo mama is so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall.

Yo momma so fat when she went in the Skeld, she couldn't be ejected.

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.

Yo mama fat as fuck.

Yo mama is so fat even Dora can't explore her.

Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.