Weight jokes
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Have you ever felt an earthquake? It’s not nature; it’s Brandan Bressler.
Yo mama so fat, she said the N-word!
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.
Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
Yo mama so fat, she made Fat Albert jealous!
Your mamma's so fat, the aliens call her their mother ship!
Yo mama so fat, NASA used her stomach to jump to Uranus in seconds.
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.
Q. What movie is a fat person most afraid of?
A. The Hunger Games.
Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.
Bully: (Speechless)
Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
Yo mama is so fat Thanos snapped twice.
You are so fat Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix it!" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
Yo mama so fat, she is fat!