what do you call a dog without legs? nothing it won't come either way.
seems very long. you wont remember the tel number..... I remember it lile this from school days in Ireland.
Dolly Patron is shopping for new bra , lady says your size (69) , Dolly says no way that too too too (222) big, so she goes to doctor , Doc I need something to make my boobs smaller , here take (51) pills for 6 days ( x6) and soo she did . days later she ran back to doc, jesus Christ doctor look what happened Im BOOBLESS. 55378008 upside down.
What do you call a arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also In a way kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wished you could F but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't...............
A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
No Way Jose
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
Sometimes i wish my gf was here that way we could have some fun in my bed, the I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
Knock knock!! Whos there?? Dishwasher!! Dishwasher who?? Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in
What's a good way to masturbate???
Get somebody to do it for u
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Ooming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
boy: i dead girl: is that why your so ugly? boy: no, i was just born this way
I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't
milk is that the uganda way
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell, not heaven? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About half way.
What is the suns favorite chocolate bar? A Milky Way 😱
Um honey I'm glad your done but um WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I"M PRETTY SURE FACES DON"T BEND THAT WAY!!
yo'mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: 'Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?'
What is the best way to end a cook book?
And that’s a wrap
