water's jokes

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

How do angels 😇 make holy water 💧?

They boil the hell out of it.

What do you call a terrorist in water?

A bath bomb 😁

What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?

A bath bomb.

Why do orphans use water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water. Jack fell down, his cock was out, and Jill gained a daughter.

I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.

I found out how to gain millions of followers.

Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

Don't you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water because your dad won't bring the fucking milk? Cause same.

Why do orphans only eat cereal with water?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.

Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.

Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.

What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.

What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.

What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.

What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.

Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.

What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.

Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.

Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.

Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.

The "W" in Africa stands for water.

Water was found on Mars.

Mars: 1 Africa: 0

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys.

Thank you, Jesus, for creating holy water!

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

What is illegal in Africa? Water guns.