The optimist think the glass is half full The pessimist think the glass is half empty The feminist think the glass is raping them
This guy walked into a pizzeria and ordered a water. The owner called him an idiot.
His girlfriend walked in and ordered a pineapple pizza.
The guy left her and the owner made her leave.
There was a race between Lettuce a faucet and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running and the ketchup was trying to ketchup
Question: How did the cat cross the river.
Answer: It didn’t, It drowned.
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks
my water was leaking, so i used flex tape. now i don't know where to sower
What is a cow's favorite water sport?
Ca-MOO-ing
how many africans does it take to change a light
a water bottle
Why did the sea cry ? Because it felt salty and blue
What did the water say to the water ''Water'' you doing.
Why did the guy get the hose
Because the girl was smoking hot
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
Knock Knock, Who's there? Water. Water who? Water you waiting for just let me in!
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"oh my God, you're such a beach"
If you are dehydrated you should get well soon.
A 6 year old girl decides to get baptized, she walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her In the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl was drowned and died... later on when the pastor was better and thrown in jail. All he had to say to the mortified family was “well, at least she’s in heaven!”
If we can't see are, can fish see water?
A fly is 6 inches above water and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly then a bear garbs the fish and eats it, then a hunter shot the bear and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it then a cat runs down to get the mouse trips and falls into the water and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
