War jokes
Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
"The naked man fears no pickpocket."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
In Syria, there are no Walmarts, only Targets.
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"
"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"
"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"
Why did the Carthaginian say Rome lost the war?
Because they were just roman around.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
Why did Hitler stop playing Golf?
He kept getting stuck in the Bunker.
What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
You shout out, "B-52!"
What do you call six gay men in a war? Rainbow Six Siege.
Q: Why did Hitler shoot himself?
A: Because his mother taught him to take out the trash.
What do you call Hitler?
Gay.
Why is America so bad at Clash of Clans? Because we already lost two towers.
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.
Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
What did the little boy say to the fat man?
How many Japs did you get?
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”