War jokes

What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?

They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.

Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?

Everywhere.

What's the difference between a school in Pakistan and an Al Qaeda base?

Not too sure. I just fly the drone.

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!

Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?

'Cause they only had 4 trucks.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

What is a terrorist's DJ name?

Osama Spin Laden Dropping beats like the Twin Towers!

What did Jessiey do?

Jump and make a explosionnnnnnnn, heyyyy gas!

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

What war did the black community win?

The Obama era. Only to lose to a smarter white person.

What's the difference between you and Hitler? At least he knows how to use an oven.

So, apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.

Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.

Why did Hitler die? He got hit by 'ler'.

I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”

“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.

“Let me start,” says the son.

“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.

“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.

“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.

“Your right!” He replies.

“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”

“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.

“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.

What's an old Japanese man's last words?

"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"

What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?

I did nazi that coming!

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

The twin towers were the best soldiers ever. Stand together, fall together!