Want jokes
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"
I will give you all the fine chicks you want. Just dial this number: 313-974- tap that ass from Hooters strip club.
My buddy and I both wanted to marry a woman who happened to be an amputee.
Sadly, my buddy won her heart, but I got her leg.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side.
This is why they don't want to sell the Double Manhattan in pubs anymore.
An orphan is at a barbecue and is getting food. A man asks him if he wants steak or phan I ment ham.
Your hairline jokes are so bad that they make me want to rip all my hair out.
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
Why don't heterosexual men want to suck bananas because they taste like octopus and squid?
I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."
Cooper and Max want to get fucked in the ass by guys.
I never feel offended if my friends don't wish me a happy birthday.
Because that's what I want.
What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
They don’t want to be mistaken for a feminist.
Want one way to get a free haircut?
Call the cancer hotline.
Why don't rappers use the subway?
Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
"Florida was ranked the worst state in the 50 states by Thriller."
Florida: Well, WE didn't want to give our oranges anyway!
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."