Want jokes
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
Why did God create women with pussies?
Because:
1. Of course, God is a man.
2. Of course, he isn't gay.
3. Of course, he is a perv too (for wanting more pussies)!
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?
I want your booty!
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
You want to hear a joke about pizza?
Sorry! Can't tell ya, it's too cheesy!
Why did Brandon harass Sydney because she didn't want to eat his foreskin?
You want a pizza from me!!!!
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to speak to me.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?
Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his son wanted to charge their phone, so they unplugged him.
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.