Want jokes

I always talk to my taco before I eat it.

One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!

Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.

1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?

2nd Person: Yeah, sure!

1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.

I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"

I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.

Then: You want free candy?

Now: You want free Wi-Fi?

You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

Why did the chicken enter the cave?

Because it wanted to get to the Dark Side.

Want to hear a joke?

Your face.

Why did the skeleton want a friend?

Because she was feeling bonely.

What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?

A vowel movement.

Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.

Three Vulcans walk into a bar.

The bartender asks the first Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The first Vulcan says, "I don't know."

The bartender asks the second Vulcan, "Y'all want a drink?" The second Vulcan says, "I don't know."

The bartender asks Spock, "Y'all want a drink?" Spock says, "Yes."

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.

I didn't want to interrupt her.

They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now!

I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."