Want jokes
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.
What did the parrot say when it saw a duck?
"Polly want a quacker!"
Worst joke ever.
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
Want to hear a joke about a guy losing fingers?
Never mind, it’s too pointless.
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
Cooper and Max want to get fucked in the ass by guys.
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
Why did John throw the butter out? Because John wanted to see the butterfly.
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.
Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.
Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.
Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.
I asked my friend if they wanted to hear a joke about sodium, and they said, "Na."
What did the fish say to the other fish?
"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"
A girl asks her Asian boyfriend if he wants to eat her pussy. He asks her why she is taking off her clothes, instead of cooking her cat.
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.
In a white van.
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!