Want jokes
I want to do Uranus. (tounge emoji) (wet emoji)
Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?
A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a Viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" she asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well, that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
Papyrus: You are so lazy, Sans!
Sans: Call me what you want. I got THICK SKIN!
Papyrus: Another bad joke and I'm finished with him!!
Frisk: HAHAHA
Papyrus: We are monsters. The awfulest kind!
Sans: To mess with us takes a lot of SPINE!!!
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.
Want to watch Titanic?
No, I'm not on board for it.
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].
Do you want to hear three jokes?
Joke Joke Joke.
If the dyslexic man wanted to adopt a kid, then how could he sign the papers?
Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"