Walk

Walk jokes

So, I got my blind friend a Big Mac for his birthday. A week later, he walked up to me and said,

"Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.

  • 0

    • A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:

    "I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"

    When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

    So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

    A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money.

    Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole.

    The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money.

    The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money, you worthless old fart?”

    An apple walked into the clinic.

    The doctor asked what his favorite color was.

    The apple said "red." :)

    I was 11 or 12 at the time.

    Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...

    If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

  • 6

    • Three conspiracy theories walked into a bar, now tell me that's not a coincidence!

    A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

    He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

    So, this guy walked into a cannibal bar. The barista asked him what he wants, and the man ordered water. Then he left, because he wasn't a cannibal and just wanted a glass of water.

    Mommy, why is my name Brick???

    Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

    Mommy, why is my name Rose???

    Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

    Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

    Doctor, what is wrong with me?

    You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.

    Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

    Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

    An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.

    The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

    I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.

    Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.

  • 3

    • You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.

    A few male neighbors came over to the house to take a shower because, for some reason, their house didn't have water.

    A few minutes later, I walk into the shower. I see the male neighbors and Mom taking a shower together. Then I said, "What are you doing?" They all say, "We're taking a shower together so we could save water."