Virus jokes

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).

Question: How was Covid-19 born?

Answer: Someone fucked Batman! 😂

I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.

God- make a grumpy old man president.

Angel- why?

G- cause I said so-name him Trump.

A- okay.

G- make him not pay taxes.

A- okay...

Fast forward to 2020

G- you know that grumpy old man?

A- yea...

G- make him create a deadly virus named after a beer.

A- Krona.

G- exactly.

A- why do you hate humans so much?

G- because I can.

"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."

Why did the computer go to the doctor?

Because it had a virus.

What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?

For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."

For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.

Why did the ACLU block the cellphone number of a Christian nationalist minister? Because the Christian nationalist had a virus on his cellphone and kept calling the ACLU because he wanted to join the ACLU because he wanted to become a card-carrying member of the ACLU.