Virus jokes

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

China wants their name on everything but the m.f. virus.

The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.

Fe fi foung better run and hide: Covid (really).

Time heals all wounds. Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.

Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?

Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"

The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."

Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."

Like if you are scared of Covid-19.

When Covid spreads through food, but you realized you live in Africa.

I did not believe in COVID-19 until I saw your teeth social distancing.

I had a glass of Schweppes lemonade in one hand and a glass of R. Whites in the other. I got into a hot sweat. I think I have Corona Virus.

How come the toilet paper could not make it across the road?

Because of the Corona Virus.

If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Give me 2 beers." The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guy's beer bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender, "Hey, what are you doing? I didn't order Bud Lights, I want Corona beer." The bartender replies, "Sir, I gave you a mix of Bud Light and Corona, and it's on the house, everyone is drinking Corona tonight."

Snow White and the six Dwarfs, Sneezy was caught by covid-19 quarantine!

Corona be like:

Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.

*snap*

What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?

Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"