Virus Jokes

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?

Monkeypox.

Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

COVID-19 is like pasta.

Asians invented it, Italians spread it.

COVID is like fashion...

We started hearing about it in Italy...

Became popular in LA and NYC...

Florida ignored it...

And it was all made in China in the end.

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.

If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).

What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?

I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.

I did not believe in COVID-19 until I saw your teeth social distancing.

Chuck Norris has come in contact with Covid.

Covid is now in a 14-day quarantine.

Why is Joe Biden afraid of getting COVID?

Because he'd lose his sense of smell.

What is the American virus? Diabetes.

I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He pirated GTA VI Hindi No Virus 2022.

Dr. Fauci would be surprised to know that R. Kelly didn't catch COVID-19.

But since COVID is 19, it's too old for him.

I didn't know that COVID-19 was a thing until I saw your eyebrows and your hairline social distancing.

What if your Corona test is neutral?