Kid: But, Mom, I don't want to see Grandma.
Mom: Shut up and keep digging.
I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
Where did Sally go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark.
What sort of file turns a one inch hole into a two inch hole?
A pedophile.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
There were three indians that got kick out of the tride. One said "me find food" and he came back with a decent size rabit. The other two asked him what happened he said "me see rabit me shoot rabit and rabit fall down dead. The 2nd indian "me find food" he came back with a good sized deer the other two asked him what happened he said"me see deer me shoot deer deer fall down dead. The third indian said "me find food" he came back crwling mising a leg and an arm and he was all cut up the others anded what happened he said "me see train me shoot trai train no stop
Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.
How many babies do you need to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
