Violence jokes

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."

What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?

Hitting it off with a cricket bat.

One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.

What's a child abuser's favorite song?

"Just Beat It!"

Why is it ok to hit an orphan?

Because they can't call their parents.

What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

They both shoot when they see kids.

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!

A gay rapist saves a female rape victim, then rapes the rapist.

Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.

I kicked the shit out of Little Johnny.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you know what else is violent? Suicide with me and you.

I say, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

It's okay, you had socks on :)

While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

I kick a soccer ball at someone in a wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."

Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?

A. Batman's parents.

Why do American guns only have 30 bullets?

'Cause that's how many kids are in a class.

Why couldn't the rape victim run away?

Because she was dead.