Violence

Violence Jokes

Hooker

How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.

Orphan

We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.

Shotgun

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

Heart

They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.

Death

Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.

Fight

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

Orphan

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Gun

I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!

Suicide

Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.

It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.

School shooting

*School shooting happens.*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk.*

American student: "First time?"

Foreign exchange student: "Yeah, you?"

American student: "Hahaha. No, not my first time."

Gun

Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: *pulls out gun*

Bullet

Why are there 30 bullets in one clip?

Because that's the average classroom size.

Orphan

Sonic says: "If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"

Rape

If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?