Violence

Violence jokes

Murder

  • They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

  • 8
  • Police

  • Police: Where do you live? Child: With my parents.

    Police: Where do your parents live? Child: With me.

    Police: Where do you all live? Child: Together.

    Police: Where is your house? Child: Next to my neighbor's house.

    Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Child: If I tell you, would you believe me?

    Police: Yes. Now tell me. Child: Next to my house.

    Police: ... Child: 😊

    Police: *Proceeds to beat the life out of the child*

    Rape

  • I was raped everyday for years. I can still smile. I hold the record for the widest asshole.

  • 1
  • School shooting

  • The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"

    The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"

    The school shooter: "I don't know."

    The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."

  • 3
  • Jesus Christ

  • You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

    What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

    Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

  • 8
  • Sister

  • So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.

  • 16
  • Grenade

  • What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

    They both make noise after you throw them.

  • 1
  • People

  • Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.