Vehicle jokes

Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.

Therapist: So what brought you here today?

Wife: He's too literal.

Therapist: And you, sir?

Husband: My truck.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

What's yellow but can't swim?

A bus full of children.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

Do your buses run on time?

No, they run on diesel.

Why did the boy get run over?

Sally was driving.

I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

Two fish are in a tank. One says, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

What did one orphan say to the other? "Robin, get in the Batmobile."

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a boner?

Your sister didn't give me a Lambo.

What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"