Vehicle jokes

How did Helen Keller drive?

One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

Your forehead is so big it can't even fit in the garage!

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

Yo mama is so dumb, she put speed bumps on the race track.

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."

"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."

A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."

"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.

What does a car have when it's very itchy?

A road rash.

What is a pirate's favorite ride? A carrr!

I had a dream I was a muffler last night...

I woke up EXHAUSTED! 😂😃

Helen Keller threw the garbage out and broke a vehicle.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to fill her car with Vin Diesel.

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

Yo momma's so fat, when she gets in a monster truck, it turns into a lowrider.

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

What do you call a sheep obsessed with cars? A Lambo.

I didn’t know how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

What is the same with a duck and a bicycle? The handlebars--oh, except for the duck.

A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"

The man said, "Okay."

What’s green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.