Vegetable jokes
What does a nosy pepper do? Gets JALAPEÑO BUSINESS!
What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.
It looks like a runner bean, only smaller.
From the makers of Mangeone...
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
What do you call a nervous zucchini?
An edgy veggie.
I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.
Why do special ed classes have fans?
To keep the vegetables nice and fresh.
English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”
French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?
A pickle.
What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?
Lettuce eat Brussels!
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled!
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
Who is the coolest vegetable?
Rad-ish, of course!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce in.
Lettuce in who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here!
I started crying when my dad was chopping onions.
Onions was such a good dog!
So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair. 😎
What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?
They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!