Vegetable

Vegetable jokes

My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.

I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.

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  • What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?

    A pickle.

    What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

    You need more dressing.

    Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    Lettuce in.

    Lettuce in who?

    Lettuce in, it's cold out here!

    So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

    What do a gay guy in a wheelchair and a tomato have in common?

    They’re both a fruit AND a vegetable!

    What do you call a bunch of wheelchairs on top of one another?

    A vegetable rack.

    What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

    A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

    Why is there A/C in hospitals?

    So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.

    If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.