What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
Use Jokes
What do cheap people use to talk?
Free speech.
China, unban Google, r.n. noOoOooOw!
A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?
I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.
For a while, lead was used in pencils, but... we realised that it might not have been the smartest idea because it lead (badoom ching) to some people getting lead poisoning.
What? A telephone? Nah, I'm using a telebone.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.
Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.
When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.
Q) What shampoo and conditioner did Stephen use?
A) Head and Shoulders.
Q) What’s Stephen’s favorite food?
A) Shoulders.
For real tho RIP Stephen Hawking 💕
Yo mama so fat when she wanted to get wet, she used the highway as a slippin' slide!
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
What kind of Panera Bread do pencils use?
Panera Lead.
I can make a living with the "Treat Yo self" budget.
Yet I can’t use the "Help yo self" budget.
Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.
I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.
Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.
Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.
Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!
Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
