How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
Use Jokes
Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.
What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15?
A MAGAzine.
1+1=3
If you don't use a condom.
What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.
What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.
Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?
Boys: blue is blue.
When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.
Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
Husband: Honey, do you want sex?
Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.
Husband: Is that your final answer?
Wife: Mmmmm.
Husband: Are you sure?
Wife: Yes.
Husband: No doubts?
Wife: No.
Husband staring a long time at his wife.
Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
