Use jokes

My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?

You know you are from China when you use rice instead of glue.

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.

There used to be Wonder Woman.

Now we wonder, what is a woman?

You're so bald that Disney uses your head for movie scripts.

Q: What do pedophiles use for allergic reactions?

A: An Epstein pen.

What do hockey players and cops have in common?

They both use sticks to hit something black.

Your forehead's so big, NASA uses it to test satellite signals.

Bertold Brecht & Tork Poettschke visit the places of their youth together. One says to the other: "Here used to be the Phoenix Lake. Where did he go?" "That was probably a pirate ..."

When they said sin was ugly to look at, I didn't know God would use you as an example.

What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.

Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.

What do lesbians love to use in art class?

Scissors.

What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?

They both use strap on tools.

Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.

I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.

What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

I told him, “I think we’ll still be using mirrors in five years.”

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.