Use jokes

What does Michael Jackson like to use to clean himself? Baby wipes.

What are Michael Joseph Jackson's favorite songs? "Baby Love" and "Baby Talk to Me."

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory.

You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy little kid you used to be...

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for years. (not my words)

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

9/11 is like genders.

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

The earth used to be flat.

Till they buried yo mama.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.

What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15?

A MAGAzine.

1+1=3

If you don't use a condom.

What is the best shield to use during a battle? The emo kid.

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

Girls: OMG what color should I use, baby blue, light blue, or navy blue?

Boys: blue is blue.

When you think you're depressed, but you know you're probably just using depression to be lazy and self-loathing, but then you realize that it, in itself, might actually be a symptom of depression.

Well gang, it looks like we've got another mystery on our hands!

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.

Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.

A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle, and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do, and finally the friend said, "Why don't you just use me?" The boyfriend said, "Why did I not think of using the third wheel?"

Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?

What?

A nail gun!