Use jokes

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

Why do orphans use Samsung?

Because iPhones have home buttons.

Your hairline is so bad that they used it as trenches in the World War.

What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?

People actually have a use for one of them.

Isn't a gaming console something people use to not be alone?

THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE 50% OF THE GAMES OFFLINE?!??!?!

Yo mama so fat, she uses the Gulf of Mexico as her hot tub!

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.

I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.

Momma's so fat, she can use her belly button as a breakfast bowl.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

What flowers do orphans use?...

Self-raising flour.

Why does Aaron eat burgers on a Wednesday? Because his spine is bent, and his favorite gun in Apex Legends is the G7 Scout, and he uses the speedy Spanish man.

Sans: What am I using?

A trom-bone!

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

How do you talk to giants? Using big words.

I used to have a phobia of pogo sticks. Those things always made me jump.

Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

How do you trap a shape? You use a trapezoid.