Use

Use Jokes

Humpty Dumpty felled off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call. He got hurt in a egg-cident & it never got eggs-elent. When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower. It happened too fast, he watched the very last. Next he died, eaten all fried.

How did Stephen Hawking really die...his wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

GRAVEYARD SAVINGS: While leafing through our local newspaper, I noticed this classified ad: “For sale: one used tombstone. Splendid opportunity for a family named Dingle.”

Playing a game called 7-up. Student- why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers? Teacher- it's cheating! Student- No! it's the object of the game.

When Trump goes to the beach he doesn't use suntan lotion he uses Dorito dust. And it stays on for the rest of his life.

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me: the last time I used DUOLINGO was WHEN THE DINOSAURS WENT EXTINCT.

duolingo: lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)