Use jokes

Why was the bee’s hair sticky?

He used honeycomb.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and an Emo?

They're both gay and use knives.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.

What do turtles use to communicate?

A shellphone!

Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?

Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...

Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.

GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?

Me: My sister.

SWEET HOME ALABAMAA

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

What should you use to battle a T-Rex?

A dino-sword.

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

I met a fat chick at the beach.

People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?

There used to be Wonder Woman.

Now we wonder, what is a woman?

Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.

Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

Yo mama so fat that the US (Mexico) and North Korea (South Korea) got into a war fighting over who gets to use her as their border wall.

What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?

They both use strap on tools.