Use jokes
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
A little riddle...
Trump has it short, Kennedy has it long, the Pope has it but he doesn't use it, what is it?
...
Obviously the Surname, what are you thinking about you pervert?
Why did the Indian man refuse to use deodorant? Because he wanted to smell like his natural habitat, the shitter.
Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.
Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.
Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.
Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.
Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.
Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!
I used to hate facial hair,
but then it grew on me.
Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak?
Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.
Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mind?
Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals. The people will go nuts for a great deal!
Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.
Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up! Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?
Neona: Hmm...let's see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
I can tell you used to be friends with your hairline, cuz it goes way back.
If we can't say "God" in vain, why does He get to?
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.
Your mamma so fat she has to use the equator as her belt.
What should you do to prevent dry skin? Use a towel.