Ups jokes
Yo mama so fat, she can't pick up a dumbbell... the dumbbell pick her up.
Up (DYM 94).
Farmer's Wife: Honey, where are the cows?
Farmer: Up in the mountains grazing.
Farmer's Wife: Why?
Farmer: I don't know, but the steaks have never been higher.
I had sex, but ended up going "uuyaahh!"
Me: What's that sound?
Ex: What?
Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
Waking up wit a tank top
Two gays came into the bar and said, "What's up, you big faf mother of hell?"
And just look up anything that is hot! And don't forget to comment!
Did you hear about the nurse who couldn’t swim?
She ended up under the doc[tor].
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
What did one canyon say to the other?
You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
Hairline look like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
I got sent to the principal's office for telling the kid in the wheelchair to stand up for himself.
Two Arabs are swapping jokes. One cracks up and yells, "Man, that joke was an absolute blast!"
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."
So I went to a mall and I was finna buy something... and I saw a little boy and he said "hello," so then I passed by him and he said "hi," and I was like "hi nigga," and he said, "um, just wondering something... I mean I like jokes, but what is dark humor?" And I was like "umm🤔.. it's like 🤔🤔...like you see that guy without legs? Tell him to stand up"... and he said "I'm blind nigga" and I said "exactly homie"... aight nigga peace and look out😏😉