New Ups Jokes - Page 49 - Worst Jokes Ever

Never search up "monkey with blue balls."

In Ukraine, there was a massive wake-up call by Russia. But for some, the results were the opposite.

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.

I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.

Your hairline is so bad that the Teen Titans gave up.

when you see a depressed kid, you walk up and say "wassup my lil barcode"

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

Why did Stephan Hawking not turn up to the meeting?

His internet connection ran out.

I beat up a deaf kid the other day. I had to. He kept throwing up gang signs.

What's the difference between China and New York City?

In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.

When the ugliest cat looked at you, then you search up the ugliest thing in the world, you show up.

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?

'Cause they just wash up onshore.

This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.

A project where people get lined up to be changed.

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.