Two jokes
What do you call an Indian with a wooden leg? Shit on a stick.
What do you call an Indian with two wooden legs? A waste of lumber.
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
Those two jokes are not funny at all!
What's 9 divided by 11?
Well, I know it's less than two alright!
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
Why were the people during 9/11 mad because they ordered pepperoni sandwiches, but they got two planes?
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar. But a few minutes later, they would walk out, because you have to be 21+. No room for those two.
Two baby seals walk into a club.
Science flew us to the moon.
Religion flew us into two skyscrapers.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Why are Americans such good chess players?
Because they lost two towers.
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
When you name yourself "Twin Towers" and the terrorist in Kahoot.
Twin Towers are on fire.
The terrorist has a streak of two.