Two jokes
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
What do you call two black lads in gold?
A Twix.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your mum's so fat, she broke Britain too!
Two baked beans traveled around Australia.
They both ended up in Cairns.
What did the two towers make after they died? The One World Trade Center.
Why is America so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?
A: "Those are two nice towers right there."
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans?
They already lost two towers.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.
Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.
Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.
But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.
I found two of the same Lego Duplo sets, so I called βem βDuplocates.β
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
When I see two lovers' names on a tree, I donβt find it cute or funny. I think, why would they be bringing a knife on a date?
What's worse than a baby in a dumpster?
A baby in two dumpsters.
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."
I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)
When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,
You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"