boss: you're fired
me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
boss: you're a waiter where did you get those
2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my butt fell asleep the other says yep i heard it snore a couple of times
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh.. I thought you saw inside the basement.."
"Wait, wha.."
"What?"
A kid is watching tv and sees an ad about adopting an animal,he then turns to his mother and says “do we have to adopt a donkey” “no” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it......we adopted you”.
there was always that one SPECIFIC person u THOUGHT ruined ur life,but it turns out ur life has always been ruined by u being in it..
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said "My turn!".
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
My mom told me a joke she made 13 years ago but ahe didnt tell me what it was........anyways im turning 14 next month.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says moo, the other turns to him and says 'I was just going to say that'
Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said don't look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said "What's that?". Timmy's dad said "that's Mr.wiggles". Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said don't look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said "What's that?". Timmy's mom said "that's my garden". Timmy's mom said don't look up. Timmy looked up. Timmy said "What are those?". Timmy's mom said those are her headlights. Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said don't look under the covers. Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR.WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
How do you get a light bulb horny? you turn it on!!
Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist? He never learned to mix the colors
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears. "I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing." The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
