Turn jokes

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

Hi 👋 I love 💕 you know I do. What a good night of a good [something].

My pathological cheater of a sister wanted to play a board game with me.

I turned her down because I didn't like the Risk involved.

"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"

Why did the orphan turn gay?

A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."

Your momma is so stupid, she farted and turned the radio on to cover up the smell.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?

A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.

How fast is the speed of sex?

68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

In 1492 Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

He sat on a rock, tickled his cock, until it turned red, white, and blue!

I have a better version of this joke.

How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

What do pedophiles do when they wake up?

Turn on the child safety lock on the car.

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.