My bff asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?" I said: "Why?" My bff says: "Well its because he was already cheating." I said: "KNEW IT!"
My last relationship ended because my ex girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset, to be honest I didn't like her anyway, she kept telling me I never listen, or something like that
why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her
At first I was skeptical, but the universe has really grown on me.
Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk and he says "I went to a party with my girlfriend and this random guy walks up to us and says can I borrow your girlfriend for a 30 minutes I say yes and he takes her up stairs. It was not only 30 minutes but a hour. When she came back down she was out of breath so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation.this happens about 3 more times that night. But as I was saying only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys 😊😇
I only trust people that like big butts.... they cannot lie.
Recently I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker down town in Manhattan, New York thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:
I thought Soap could trust you And so did I too So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!
My girlfriend asked my whether I was having sex behind her back and I replied "yes who did you think it was".
I don't trust stairs there always up to something:D
I dont trust anything that bleeds for more than 5 days and is still alive
Why can’t you trust an emo kid Cause they always leave you hanging
I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say 'press', but if you press those badges they just fall over all surprised.
what diffrence between friends and family one actully real
What did the calculator say to his friends? “You can count on me!”
So a husband and a wife have three kids. the husband is on his death bed and he looks up at his wife and says. "Honey, is our youngest song truly and honestly mine?" She says in response. "I sware on everything that is good and holy our youngest son is your" He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breathe, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
Voting is like doing a group project in school
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up
