Trip jokes
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Why did the grandpa leave the house to go to the grocery store?
To get the ice cream for the grandma.
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
Why don’t midgets wear tampons?
Because they’ll trip over the string.
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
If Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden are in a boat and it capsizes, who survives? America.
McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:
cabbage _50
Carrots-50
Cooking fat -100
Onions_20
Tomato-20
salt-10
Total=250
She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.
McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.
His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."
A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
I would have loved to ride the Titanic at least once ;)
iykyk
How often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?
Just once.
Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?
Kid: Sure.
Dad: Come on.
Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?
Dad: Go in.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
To fuck the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To see his friend.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
I go to Venus to get a bigger penis.
Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.
Why did Pinocchio cross the road?
To get to the other lied.
Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?
Everywhere.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.